Hot and Cold, UK Edition: the Sequel

This is Brad Sturgeon, and I'm coming to you live from the heart of a terrible scene. As you can see behind me, there is a growing unrest in the dismayed crowds; the gathered masses can scantly believe what has transpired here. Yes, it is with a heavy heart that I report on a scene of palpable disbelief: ESPN and the national media have downplayed the severity, importance, and direct impact on American everyday life of the Duke / UNC game during rivalry week. To repeat, the hundreds gathered here for the sold-out contest in Cameron Indoor are in a state of shock.

Yes, I am here in the heart of the world-famous Podunk, North Carolina - the home of some backwards school in the ACC(All Caucasian Conference{seriously, have you seen the crowd at their games? Yeesh.}) - and have passed the time at this disaster site preparing this week's iteration of "Hot and Cold, UK Edition." Enjoy!

HOT:

• Rupp Arena: We might be pitiful, wide-eyed freshman on the road, but at home this Kentucky team is a group of weathered veterans whose steel-eyed glare is enough to break down the brightest orange clad player into blubbery volun-tears. They've yet to lose in Rupp under Calipari. Let me say that again, with emphasis: Kentucky has yet to lose a single game at home under Calipari, in two years. What makes that statistic really impressive is the fact that they've done it with ten freshmen faces playing over the two years Cal's coached here.

• (THE) Ohio State: Look, enough is enough. This is a good team, and even I have to give the Thaddinator credit, as much as I hate to do it. However, there is an ulterior motive: I am hoping to jinx the number one team in the land, Sports Illustrated-style - and after enduring the lavish label of "unbeatable" that's been applied to their season, I look forward to seeing the Buckeyes fold shortly after being spotlighted by yours truly. You're welcome, world.

COLD:

• Roy Williams' Lack of "Depth Perception": UNC's stock this season has dropped like.. well, frankly, it's dropped like players off the Tarheel's roster. After starting the season near the top of the polls and projecting big things out of top freshman Harrison Barnes, the fightin' Tyler Hansboroughs have found difficulty establishing themselves as the same powerhouse of years past. A lack of perimeter skill tacked onto a now suddenly-depleted roster has Roy Williams throwing all sorts of things: fits, fans out of home games, his shoulder out of its sling, even players off the roster. What isn't flying anymore? His supposed southern charm.
  

• The charge / blocking rule: Imagine if you will a courtroom. In this court of law, someone is accused and then convicted of committing vehicular homicide. The jury all agrees, the judge passes a punishment onto the guilty party. Then imagine that the car in question is imaginary - the police officers involved in the case made a "best guess" judgment call based on what they thought the car looked like, and who they believed the guilt belonged to. Don't worry, this sort of thing could never happen - hah, I kid. It's a rule in basketball, as the "imaginary circle" below the basket dictates matters of great importance such as foul type and allocation. Glad we made it a point of emphasis to squander so much time and money taking out that Kanter kid instead of having schools paint a freaking semicircle under their rims, huh?

LUKEWARM:

• The Top 25: Usually by this point in the season the top 25 has shaken out as follows: a few surprises in the teens and twenties - your Southern Illinois Salukis(which spell check insists isn't a real word), Gonzagas, and Butlers(...did it, heh) of the world, with the big boys populating the lower numbers and the middle-grade Big 6'ers filling out the rest. Not so this year - in just the top 10 we have SDSU and BYU, and a bit further down Utah State and John Chaney's Temple Enforcers. This represents a variety of lesser-known conferences and showcases the talent of schools you probably couldn't find a map. What it means is that the big names are watered down and busy beating up on one another and that the little guys are eating this cannibalism up.

• Jimmy Dykes one liners: Because it hasn't been done to death yet: the nail. The nail. The nail. The nail. The nail. The nail. The nail. The nail.

• The NHL: Believe it or not, the season has been underway for a while now. No, seriously - people are playing hockey professionally as we speak. Has anyone ever given a single damn about the regular season in pro hockey? Hint: no.